“Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.”
Ghosting sucks. It’s not just rude — for many, it’s a deal breaker that forces a hard pause in how we trust, connect, and open up.
And if you’ve ever wondered what ghosting looks like in real life — it’s this: one minute you’re connecting, sharing inside jokes, maybe even planning a weekend getaway.
The next? Nothing. No explanation. No goodbye. Just silence. Like they got abducted by aliens or decided you were the emotional equivalent of a shopping cart they ditched mid-aisle.
Welcome to the golden age of ghosting — where emotional immaturity hides behind read receipts and silence is served up like a final text.
If you’re stuck refreshing your inbox, spiraling into “What did I do wrong?” — you’re not alone.
Ghosting hijacks your nervous system, floods your brain with self-doubt, and leaves you stranded in confusion.
But here’s the part no one tells you:
Ghosting isn’t just about them disappearing — it’s about the chaos that erupts in you afterward.
This isn’t a pity party. It’s a survival guide.
I’ll help you break down the dynamics of ghosting — what it is, and why it hurts. Then I’ll show you how to move past it without losing your peace or your power.
Because peace doesn’t come from their apology. It comes from you not needing one.
Let’s dive in.
Ghosting doesn’t just bruise your ego — it scrambles your brain. It turns a normal interaction into a psychological ambush. Especially when it follows weeks of breadcrumbing — those vague texts, occasional flirty replies, and just enough attention to make you think it meant something.
Research shows that nearly 1 in 3 adults in the U.S. have been ghosted. That’s a lot of people left staring at their phones like rejected extras in their own love story.
Most of this charming behavior starts on dating apps — swipe, match, chat, vanish. Whether it’s casual dating or a complicated situationship, modern romance can feel like a minefield.
But it gets darker. Among people with what psychologists call Dark Triad traits — manipulative, attention-hungry, emotionally shallow — ghosting rates skyrocket to nearly 58.5%. That’s almost double.
Especially with the covert narcissists — those soft-spoken, “nice guy” (or girl) types who seem emotionally aware… until real intimacy shows up. Then?
Poof. They bail. Ghosting becomes their go-to escape hatch.
Some will even ghost after subtly gaslighting you — making you feel too needy for asking for clarity or too intense for having feelings at all. Then they vanish, leaving you to untangle a mess they engineered.
So no, you’re not “too much.” You just crossed paths with someone with the emotional depth of a puddle in July.
Still, your nervous system doesn’t care. It panics. Fills the silence with overthinking, shame, and worst-case scenarios.
Your brain wants closure — and ghosting gives it none. It’s like trying to solve a puzzle with half the pieces missing.
But here’s the hard truth:
Ghosting isn’t about your worth. It’s about their limits.
Let’s get one thing straight: Ghosting is rarely about you.
It’s about them — their fear of confrontation, their inability to handle discomfort, their emotional immaturity. Ghosting is a silent tantrum disguised as “self-care.”
In one study, over a third of ghosted people blamed themselves. Ghosting has been linked to lower self-esteem, loneliness, helplessness, and a serious dip in life satisfaction.
But even when it’s about them, it feels like it’s about you. Your brain is wired to make pain personal. It wants a reason, a villain, and a fix. So you spiral with:
“Did I come on too strong?”
“Was I boring?”
“Maybe I was too needy?”
Kill that noise. People ghost for reasons that have zero to do with your worth:
As Dr. Jennice Vilhauer, a leading expert in cognitive therapy, puts it:
“It’s really important to remember if someone ghosts you, that behavior says more about them than you.”
Their silence is on them. How you respond to it? That’s where your peace lives.
Let’s talk biology — because ghosting doesn’t just mess with your head, it throws your entire body into chaos.
That sudden silence? Your brain reads it as danger. Your nervous system goes into full survival mode: cortisol spikes, heart races, muscles tighten.
The threat? It’s invisible. Just a vanishing act that leaves your system on high alert. And that’s the problem.
You’re not being dramatic. You’re wired for connection. And when that connection vanishes without explanation, your system freaks out.
As Dr. Michelle Drouin, behavioral scientist and author of Out of Touch, explains:
“Ghosting hits humans at one of our most vulnerable weak spots: Our desire to know. We have a need for closure.”
And because ghosting gives zero answers, your brain starts inventing the worst ones. That ache in your chest? That mental loop? It’s not weakness. It’s biology on overload.
Here’s the twist:
You can’t think your way out of it. You have to regulate it.
Start with breathwork. Move your body. Walk. Dance. Stretch. Anything that calms the system screaming for answers.
Healing starts with regulation, not rumination.
Here’s the part no rom-com ever shows:
You don’t get a teary confession. No dramatic text. Just silence.
And still — you have to move forward.
Real closure doesn’t come from their apology. It comes from how you choose to make sense of it. Dr. Terri Bacow, a New York-based CBT psychologist, puts it simply:
“Simple practices like deep breathing can calm the mind and body, while rethinking social media usage, journaling, and prioritizing rest can enhance mental well-being.”
Translation: Heal like a grown-up. Sleep. Move. Eat well. Touch some grass.
That peace you’re chasing? It’s an inside job. Journaling helps. Write what you wish you could say. What you’re afraid is true.
Then rewrite the story — not to fake closure, but to reframe it in a way that serves you, not them.
And if writing isn’t your thing? Go forest bathing. Attend a silent retreat. Plug into binaural beats and just breathe.
Or simply put your phone down — because healing rarely happens while you’re still checking their status updates.
This isn’t about pretending it didn’t hurt. It’s about taking your power back from someone who couldn’t use their words.
Ghosting stings. But what really hurts is when you let it rewrite your self-worth story.
You don’t have to wait for a message that’s never coming. Boundaries start where hope stops. If it’s been weeks of silence, give yourself permission to say:
“This is where I stop waiting.”
Send a final message if you want — not to get a response, but to close your chapter. Don’t numb the pain with cheap distractions. That just delays the healing.
Instead, lean into what actually works:
As Deborah Tannen, linguistics professor and author of You’re the Only One I Can Tell, reminds us:
“One of the wonderful things about friendship is that we get to choose our friends… But that also means we can choose to end a friendship — and a friend can choose to end it too.”
Their silence is a choice. So is your response.
Choose peace over pain. Boundaries over confusion. Self-respect over endless waiting.
You don’t need their closure. You just need your own.
Let’s be real. After ghosting, the temptation is strong:
“Screw it. I’m done trusting people.”
You build walls. You get colder. You flirt with the idea of becoming emotionally unavailable — because at least then you get to disappear first.
But here’s the thing: That armor you’re putting on? It doesn’t just keep out pain. It blocks joy, intimacy, connection, and all the other good stuff too.
You can protect yourself without shutting down.
Start small. Trust isn’t an on-off switch — it’s a muscle. And just like a pulled hamstring, it needs slow, steady rehab.
Here’s how to rebuild without becoming jaded:
People will say anything. It’s consistency that tells the truth.
Let things unfold. Don’t overshare on date two or plan your wedding after one great kiss.
Guarding your peace doesn’t mean numbing your feelings.
If you find yourself expecting people to leave before they even show up… pause. That’s not intuition — that’s trauma talking.
They’re not your ghost. They’re not your ex. They don’t deserve your past wounds projected onto them.
It’s okay to be cautious. But don’t let one coward with a phone ruin your chance at real connection.
You deserve someone who stays. But first — you have to believe that’s still possible.
A few months ago, I worked with a client — let’s call her Maya.
She had been dating someone for about three months. Things felt promising — long talks, inside jokes, shared playlists, even making plans for the future.
Then out of nowhere… No Message. No Explanation. Just silence.
Maya was devastated. She couldn’t sleep. Her thoughts kept looping — replaying every conversation, every moment, and wondering what went wrong.
“Did I say something wrong?”
“Was I too much?”
“Was it all fake?”
By the time she came to see me, she wasn’t just heartbroken — she was questioning her self-worth.
We did a hypnotherapy session to go deeper — not to forget the pain, but to understand it. Because being ghosted doesn’t just hurt in the moment.
It reactivates old wounds — like feeling unwanted, abandoned, or invisible.
And those old feelings? They can get loud.
During the session, we uncovered a memory — a younger version of Maya, carrying the belief:
“People leave because I’m not enough.”
We didn’t just push that feeling away. We gave it a voice. Then we rewrote the story — one rooted in truth and self-respect.
She realized:
She wasn’t too much. She was just offering love to someone who didn’t know how to receive it.
We anchored a new belief:
“I am worthy of love that stays.”
Something shifted.
Within days, she stopped obsessing over her phone. Within weeks, she felt lighter — more herself again.
And not long after, she met someone new. Someone who is kind, present, and emotionally available.
This is not a rebound but a reflection of her healing.
Because when you stop believing you’re the problem, you stop chasing people who treat you like one.
Let’s be blunt.
You don’t deserve to be left on “read.” You don’t deserve emotional Houdinis who vanish at the first sign of depth. And you sure as hell don’t deserve to doubt your worth because someone else lacked the courage to use their words.
You deserve:
Ghosting isn’t just rude — it’s emotional laziness dressed up as self-protection. But the real tragedy? When we internalize someone else’s cowardice as a reflection of our value.
No more.
You get to choose how the story ends — not by begging for a message, but by giving yourself what they couldn’t: respect, clarity, and inner peace.
But make the decision for you — not in hopes that they’ll come back and “make it make sense.” Because the truth is — closure doesn’t come from them.
It comes from you no longer needing their silence to say anything about you at all.
Ghosting hurts. It punches you in the gut and leaves you gasping for air — not because you’re broken, but because someone else couldn’t show up like an adult.
The pain? Totally real.
The confusion? Understandable.
The urge to blame yourself? Don’t.
And it’s not just about romantic flings or almost-relationships. Ghosting seeps into friendships, workplaces, even families. You can be close one day, planning holidays, working together on projects, and sipping coffee, and then there’s total silence the next.
Turns out, the ancients were wrestling with the same emotional chaos — just without the blue ticks and unread messages. Epictetus, the Stoic, nailed it when he said:
“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”
Ghosting isn’t the wound — it’s your reaction that either chains you or frees you. It is today’s test of emotional clarity — a brutal but effective crash course in boundaries, self-worth, and letting go.
It’s not just about them disappearing. It’s about what you do next. So stop waiting for the closure that never comes.
Stop refreshing their feed. Stop scripting that perfect message in your head.
Instead:
Choose peace.
Choose clarity.
Choose you.
Because closure? It was never about their explanation. It’s about the moment you stop chasing the ghost — and start becoming someone they’d never have the courage to face again.
DISCLOSURE: In my article, I’ve mentioned a few products and services, all in a valiant attempt to turbocharge your life. Some of them are affiliate links. This is basically my not-so-secret way of saying, “Hey, be a superhero and click on these links.” When you joyfully tap and spend, I’ll be showered with some shiny coins, and the best part? It won’t cost you an extra dime, not even a single chocolate chip. Your kind support through these affiliate escapades ensures I can keep publishing these useful (and did I mention free?) articles for you in the future.
Like this article? Then you might want to read this:
READ NEXT
