“We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.”
Tough times are going to knock you on your behind. Repeatedly. Let’s cut through the inspirational poster BS—the job falls through, the relationship implodes, the bank account hits zero, your health betrays you.
Welcome to being human.
Here’s what nobody tells you about tough times—they’re not the exception, they’re the rule. The ancient Stoics understood this two thousand years ago.
Marcus Aurelius, literally the most powerful man in the world back then, wrote in his personal journal:
“You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
But understanding that intellectually and actually surviving when everything’s on fire? Two completely different things.
So here are 13 evidence-based, philosophy-tested, zero-fluff strategies for getting through tough times without turning into a bitter, anxious mess. Some will seem obvious. Most you’re probably not doing. All of them work.
You know what makes tough times exponentially worse? Spending your mental energy trying to control the uncontrollable. Your ex’s new relationship. The economy. What your boss thinks of you. Whether it’ll rain on your wedding day.
Psychologist Dr. Susan David, author of Emotional Agility, found that psychological flexibility—the ability to distinguish between what you can and cannot control—is one of the strongest predictors of mental health during crisis periods.
Make an actual list. Column A: things you control (your reactions, your daily habits, how you treat people). Column B: things you don’t control (literally everything else). Now here’s the radical part: stop giving a toss about Column B.
Your thoughts and actions? Those are yours. The outcome? Not really. The Stoics called this the “dichotomy of control,” and it’s as relevant during a personal crisis as it was during the fall of Rome.
Acceptance isn’t resignation. It’s not giving up. It’s looking at your situation—however shitty—and saying “okay, this is where I am” instead of “this shouldn’t be happening to me.”
The past is done. You can’t change it, no matter how many times you replay that conversation in your head at 3 AM. Other people? They’re going to do what they’re going to do.
Trying to change someone who doesn’t want to change is like trying to teach a cat to fetch. Technically possible, but you’ll both end up miserable.
Research from the American Psychological Association highlights that acceptance-based therapies, such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), help people cope better during tough times by reducing distress caused by resisting painful thoughts and emotions. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
So stop fighting the unchangeable and redirect that energy toward things that actually matter.
When tough times hit, your sympathetic nervous system goes haywire. Your body thinks you’re being chased by a tiger, except the tiger is your mortgage payment and it doesn’t go away when you climb a tree.
Here’s something stupidly simple that actually works: breathe in for five counts, out for five counts. That’s it. Do it for two minutes.
Dr. Andrew Huberman, neuroscientist at Stanford, has extensively documented how controlled breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system—your body’s natural “chill the hell out” mechanism. It’s not woo-woo. It’s biology.
When you’re spiraling, your breath is your anchor. Find a quiet spot, close your eyes, and just breathe. Imagine each exhale taking a little bit of the chaos with it. It won’t solve your problems, but it’ll stop your nervous system from acting like the world’s ending.
Socrates said “know thyself” wasn’t just philosophical navel-gazing—it was survival advice. During tough times, most people look outward, blaming circumstances, other people, the universe. That’s a dead end.
Instead, turn inward. What patterns keep showing up? What are you actually afraid of? What stories are you telling yourself about why this is happening?
Research shows that only 10-15% of people are truly self-aware, yet self-awareness is directly correlated with resilience, better decision-making, and stronger relationships.
Set aside time without your phone, without distractions, and actually think about how you operate. Journal if that’s your thing. Walk if it’s not. But get honest with yourself about who you are and how you got here.
Tough times have a way of stripping away the hogwash. Use that clarity.
When you’re in survival mode, “self-improvement” sounds like a luxury. But here’s the thing: tough times eventually end. The question is—what version of you emerges on the other side?
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, popularized the concept that if you get 1% better each day for a year, you’ll end up 37 times better. Even during tough times, you can read for 15 minutes, do 20 pushups, learn one new thing.
The Japanese call this Kaizen—continuous improvement through small, incremental changes. You don’t need a dramatic transformation. You need to not completely fall apart.
Small wins compound. When everything feels overwhelming, focus on the next tiny step forward. That’s how you maintain momentum when the world’s trying to flatten you.
Everyone’s carrying around unresolved stuff. Past relationships, childhood wounds, that time you humiliated yourself in front of everyone. During good times, you can mostly ignore it. During tough times? It comes roaring back.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Guy Winch notes that emotional baggage doesn’t just affect your mood—it impacts your physical health, relationships, and decision-making ability. You can’t navigate tough times effectively when you’re hauling around decades of unprocessed trauma.
This might mean therapy. It might mean journaling. It might mean having that difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding. Whatever it is, address it. Because you can’t move forward if you’re constantly looking backward.
The past doesn’t change. But your relationship with it can.
When everything’s falling apart, gratitude seems tone-deaf. “Be grateful you have food!” Yeah, okay, but I’m also about to lose my house, so…
But here’s the uncomfortable truth: research from Dr. Robert Emmons at UC Davis shows that gratitude practice—even during crisis—measurably improves mental health, sleep quality, and resilience. It’s not about toxic positivity. It’s about training your brain to notice what’s still working.
Start a gratitude journal. Every morning, write three things. They can be tiny: coffee tastes good, your dog exists, you have clean water. Your brain is wired to focus on threats during tough times. Gratitude is how you manually override that.
You’re not ignoring the bad. You’re acknowledging the good still exists alongside it.
Optimism isn’t pretending everything’s fine. It’s believing you can handle what’s coming.
Psychologist Dr. Martin Seligman’s research on learned optimism shows that people who maintain realistic hope during adversity recover faster and experience less long-term psychological damage.
Life’s going to be messy and imperfect. But it’s also temporary. Tough times end. Not because you wished them away, but because everything changes eventually.
You don’t need to whistle past the graveyard. But you also don’t need to set up camp there.
Your mind wants to time travel. It replays past failures or catastrophizes about future disasters. Meanwhile, the present moment—the only one you actually inhabit—passes unnoticed.
Mindfulness practices have been clinically proven to reduce anxiety and improve emotional regulation during tough times. It’s not just meditation cushion stuff—it’s practical mental training.
Whatever you’re feeling right now—anxiety, grief, anger—feel it fully. Don’t run from it. Don’t numb it. Sit with it. When you stop fighting your emotions, they lose their power over you.
Children do this naturally. They’re completely immersed in each moment. Then we “mature” and spend most of our lives anywhere but here.
Come back to now. It’s the only place you can actually do anything.
The hedonic treadmill is real. You get the thing, feel good for a minute, then immediately want the next thing. During tough times, this pattern becomes toxic because you focus entirely on what you’re losing or lacking.
Researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky found that up to 40% of happiness is determined by intentional activities—including appreciation. It’s not passive. It’s a practice.
Oprah was right about this one: focus on what you don’t have, and you’ll never have enough. Focus on what you do have, and suddenly you realize you’re richer than you thought.
This isn’t about settling or giving up ambition. It’s about recognizing that constant craving makes tough times unbearable.
When was the last time you did something purely because it brought you joy? Not productivity. Not self-improvement. Just joy.
During tough times, people abandon the activities that sustain them. “I don’t have time.” “It feels frivolous.” “I should be solving my problems.”
Wrong. Dr. Barbara Fredrickson’s “broaden and build” theory shows that positive emotions during crisis literally expand your cognitive and emotional resources, making you better equipped to handle problems.
Make a list of things that light you up. Walking. Reading. Playing guitar badly. Watching cooking videos. Then schedule them. Treat them as non-negotiable as any meeting.
Surviving tough times isn’t just about grinding through. It’s about maintaining your humanity while you do.
Fear is useful when there’s an actual threat. Fear of crocodiles near a swamp? Adaptive. Fear of asking for a raise because you’ve created an imaginary scenario where your boss destroys you? Not so much.
Most of your fears are phantom threats—your mind’s creative writing project about terrible futures that will never happen.
The truth is simple: fear shrinks when you face it and expands when you avoid it. “Feel the fear and do it anyway” isn’t just a catchy phrase—it’s how you reclaim agency.
Name your fears specifically. Write them down. Then ask: is this fear protecting me from real danger, or just preventing me from living?
During tough times, fear can paralyze you. Don’t let it.
Exercise isn’t just about physical health—it’s literally medicine for your brain. Physical activity increases BDNF (brain-derived neurotrophic factor), reduces cortisol, and floods your system with endorphins.
You don’t need a gym membership or a complicated routine. Walk. Dance in your kitchen. Do pushups during commercial breaks. Just move.
The research is unambiguous: physical activity is one of the most effective interventions for anxiety and depression during tough times. It’s free. It’s accessible. And it works.
Pick something you’ll actually do consistently. Consistency beats intensity every time.
Here’s what I wish someone had told me: tough times don’t build character. They reveal it.
You don’t become a different person during crisis. You become more of who you already are. The coping mechanisms you’ve been using? They’ll either serve you or destroy you. There’s no middle ground.
The Stoics practice premeditatio malorum—voluntary discomfort, imagining worst-case scenarios not to be pessimistic, but to be prepared. They understood that tough times are guaranteed. The only question is whether you’ll be ready.
So here’s my brutally honest advice: stop waiting for permission to handle your mess. Stop expecting someone to rescue you. Stop believing that tough times are happening TO you rather than just happening.
Life is difficult. That’s not a bug—it’s a feature. The difficulty is what makes the good parts meaningful.
You’re tougher than you think. More capable than you believe. And more resilient than you give yourself credit for.
Tough times are temporary. Your ability to survive them is permanent.
Now stop reading and go do something about whatever’s crushing you right now. These strategies only work if you actually use them.
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