“Rapport is the ability to enter someone else's world, to make him feel that you understand him, that you have a strong common bond.”
Most of us are not born with the skill or knowledge of how to be more likeable.
You might not be the kind of person who naturally exudes charm and wins others over. Or someone who can create an instant connection or attraction when meeting another person for the very first time.
Fortunately, you can learn how to be likeable with time and practice.
If you want to create a magical connection with virtually anyone you meet, you must learn one skill. The skill of creating rapport instantly.
You would need to master this skill in order to learn how to be more likeable.
This is when you can relate to others in a way that fosters a sense of trust and understanding. Creating rapport simply means you have a connection, a relationship or a state of harmonious understanding.
Your ability to create successful interactions will very much depend on how well you can establish rapport.
Rapport is the reason some people have the ability to start a conversation and immediately draw people in. And it is one of the most important characteristics you will need when you interact with another person.
You might not agree with or even like another person’s view or perspective. But if you can understand their point of view and get them to understand yours, you have created rapport.
If you have been wondering about how to be more likeable, here are 8 psychological techniques you can use.
First impressions are almost instantaneous. As the saying goes: “You’ll never get a second chance to make a great first impression.”
According to two Princeton psychologists, it only takes one tenth of a second to form an opinion about a stranger. Once an opinion is formed in that span of 0.1 seconds, longer exposures don’t make much difference.
First impressions are crucial because they tend to be long lasting and indelible.
To create an instant connection with the person you are communicating with, you must first understand that person’s “representational system.”
Although ‘representational system’ is a bit of a mouthful, don’t be overwhelmed by it. The information that is presented to you in your daily life is absorbed and stored by your five senses.
When you decode all the information, your mind will “re-present” the information in visual, auditory, or kinesthetic form. These are the three primary representational systems used by everyone.
And each person would prefer one system over another.
When conversing, pay close attention to what is being said. Are there any visual clues being used?
If they are using visual cues, say something like:
“Do you see what I mean?”
Or
“Do you get the picture?”
When you are using the same cue in a conversation, rapport happens on the subconscious level and it’s almost instantaneous!
Someone who prefers auditory cues will say something like:
“This doesn’t sound right.”
Or
“That rings a bell.”
In these instances, you can match his or her cue by responding with a sentence that contains audio-based words:
“I can hear what you are saying.”
Or
“This doesn’t sound right.”
By doing this, you are, in essence, “speaking the same language”.
One universal truth about rapport building is that ‘people like people who are like them’.
Finding a common ground can create immediate trust. The more shared interests you can uncover, the greater will be your ability to establish rapport.
People feel most comfortable around those who are like them. They feel that you understand their point of view.
Commonalities like sharing a city, attending the same college, or having similar interests might facilitate a quicker connection.
What if the person you are trying to communicate with has nothing in common with you? Or you don’t know anything about that person?
The secret to creating an instant rapport with someone who doesn’t share anything similar with you is this:
93% of communication happens at an unconscious level.
According to the 7-38-55 Rule of Communication:
Your words’ impact on communication is only 7%, while your tone of voice makes up another 38%. The remaining 55% comes from your body language, speech pattern, and facial gestures.
If you subconsciously communicate a message that says, “you and I are the same,” you will gain trust almost immediately. People will respect and like you without even understanding why.
One surefire way to create instant rapport is by subconsciously communicating signals that you are “just like them”. You do this by copying their body language, mannerisms, and words.
This technique is known as “mirroring.” Just as the name suggests, you ‘reflect’ their movements back to them.
The more someone thinks you’re similar to them, the easier it is to establish rapport on an unconscious level. However, you must do it subtly. If you come off as trying to imitate the other person, rapport is broken and they may become very offended.
You can switch between mirroring and matching to maintain a level of subtlety. When you match someone, as opposed to mirroring them, please pause for a few seconds before subtly adopting their posture.
With practice, you can even match a person’s tonality, physiology, and breathing.
This is where you intentionally match and mirror the person you want to create rapport with. You start pacing by going along with whatever the other person is doing.
During the conversation, you can paraphrase by rephrasing what you heard in your own words. Or simply repeat what is being said.
Nodding in agreement is another effective approach to building rapport. By doing that, you’re indicating that you are similar in some respects and in your thinking.
Once a rapport has been established, you can begin to vary your conversation. At this point, you can “allow” the other person to unintentionally mimic and duplicate you.
This is where you begin to lead the conversation. You can even influence the flow of the conversation lead the conversation to wherever you want it to go.
You can even make them change their minds and agree with your point of view.
When you are practicing active listening, the other person will feel that you are truly paying attention to them. This is sometimes referred to as empathic listening.
It requires you to summarize the other person’s message, ask relevant questions, and use the proper non-verbal cues.
Mark Twain once said:
“If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear.”
And people of charisma are aware of this because they are masters of active listening. Charismatic people have the ability to garner a lot of respect because they make others feel valued, important, and worthy.
The main reason is that they are great listeners and let other people do the talking.
Creating instant rapport requires you to work on both your conscious and unconscious mind. Hypnosis is one of the fastest ways that you can employ to help you acquire these strategies.
You can “implant” these techniques into your subconscious mind, as this will enable you to learn them more quickly. The “Confident You” hypnotic script below can assist you in learning how to connect with others right away.
The 'Confident You' Hypnotic Script
Gently close your eyes and take a deep breath…with each breath you’re feeling more and more comfortable and more and more relaxed…where ever you are now…you’re experiencing a very calm and confident feeling…even if you can hear sounds coming from around you… it only helps you to relax even more…
Count down slowly from 10 to 1…with each number…you’ll begin to feel more and more relaxed…10…slowly relax as you take a deep breathe…9…8…let yourself slowly sink deeply as you become more and more relaxed…
7…you are feeling absolutely great about yourself…6…drifting slowly…5 with each breathe you are feeling calm…comfortable…relaxed…4…3…that’s right…just allow yourself to drift…slowly…more relaxed…2…1…
Feeling very confident… and very relaxed…imagine yourself walking with confidence into a special place…a place you can create to be anything you like…and you feel comfortable and at ease here…as you look around you… perhaps you are by yourself…
Or perhaps there are people…it does not matter…if there are people here… they are all friendly people…people who will give you all their support…in this place…your confidence overwhelms any unwanted feelings that you have…the feeling that you already know how to be more likeable…
You exude confidence…and feeling good about yourself…when you’re thinking about how good you look…your mind is filled with positive thoughts only…now…take a deep breath…and as you breath…you breathe in all the positive things about yourself…and you breathe out all negative thoughts in you with each outbreath…
You’re full of confidence and charisma…and this makes you excited to meet new people… you are able to instantly establish rapport with anyone you meet…because you know how to be more likeable…and have all the skills and necessary to connect with people…
You employ all the strategies that you have learned here… the techniques on how to be more likeable…and you realize how easy it is to start a conversation…
Make a good first impression…and get into the flow of things…and…
You are capable of engaging yourself in a conversation from the very start…because you’ve learned how to be more likeable…and easily be completely focused on what the other person has to say…and whether you are engaged in a conversation or simply just mingling with people…you are feeling calm…at ease…and filled with confidence…
Wherever you may be…it is a comfort zone for you…and you can exude your confidence and charisma effortlessly…anyone who talk to you will enjoy what you have to say…
They also appreciate that you listen actively to their every word… and ask questions when is an appropriate time to do so…you can keep the conversation going and…by pacing and leading…you can lead the conversation to any subject you like…
Now…as you take a deep breath…and your mind filled with calm…confident…and positive energy…. you can just relax and enjoy this moment…and in a few moments time…you will be waking up…and you will wake up fresh…empowered…and confident…and filled with positive energy…
Upon awakening…you can feel your confidence…and you can handle any social situations…you have all the skills and knowledge to establish rapport with anyone you meet…you know in great detail everything there is to know about how to be more likeable…
You begin by creating a fail-safe first impression…because you understand the way people communicate…you always find something in common with the people you want to communicate with…
And you can skillfully communicate at both the conscious and unconscious level…again you can also subtly match and mirror their body language…you can do this with ease and confidence…
And pace and lead as the conversation progresses…and you display a charismatic personality because…you practice active listening all the time.
The main objective of developing rapport is to create bonds that lead to mutual trust and openness. This holds true in both social and business settings.
To get these strategies to work for you, you have got to put them to practice. Maybe not all at once, just in case you feel overwhelmed. Try out these strategies one at a time.
You might need to spend a little more time practicing these strategies. Perhaps you can test it out with someone close (friends, family or a work colleague) to begin with.
Being on the same page with someone means that you’ve earned that person’s trust, understanding, and respect. You have transcended boundaries by “speaking their language.”
Summing up, that is the moment you know you have achieved rapport.
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