A Man Who Sends Mixed Signals

A Man Who Sends Mixed Signals

I found a surprise letter in my mailbox. Yes, I mean a handwritten, old fashioned two-page long letter, delivered to my house with care by the mailman. (Yes, don’t be overly surprised – some people do still write letters nowadays.) man who sends mixed signals

 

It was from a guy whom I hadn’t spoken to in three months, ever since I moved to another state.

A Man Who Sends Mixed Signals

In the fully written two-page letter, he listed eight “wonderful and rather unique” qualities he had observed in me (in eight separate paragraphs). It was an extremely well composed letter – no spelling or grammatical errors.

 

I have to say I was quite touched (and flattered) by the kind words in his letter. Yet, I couldn’t help but laughed out loud after reading it.

 

That wasn’t the first time he did something “like that.” Sending mixed signals. Being all confusing. “Toying” with my emotions. Trying to pretend that he’s Romeo.

 

This happened to be the same guy who sent me roses to my work place on my birthday. The one who asked me out on a date on Valentine’s Day. The same guy who took me to his company annual Christmas party and brought me home on Thanksgiving to meet his entire family. The same guy who told me I was wonderfully unique and every man’s dream-come-true.

 

A Man Who Does Not Know What He Wants?

Coincidentally, he was also the same guy who told me he wasn’t sure if he “loves” me or “likes”me. And wasn’t sure if we should be more than friends. The same guy who disappeared on me for no apparent reason for three whole weeks. The one who told me he needed some quiet time with God so he could get a definite sure “yes” from God to date me. The same man who told me he wasn’t sure if he was ready for a “serious” relationship.

 

The funniest part of all: till now, he kind of believes that my entire world is waiting for him and my life happiness solely depends on his existence.

 

Perhaps that’s why he felt obligated to check on me from time to time, by surprise… (Let’s see if she’s still alive without me in her life…)

 

Moving On

The fact is: I have moved on long, long, long time ago. He is as ancient as a dinosaur to me.

 

An intelligent woman simply does not put her life (and happiness) on hold because of a man. Especially not a man who is wishy washy and not “man” enough to make up his mind. Man Who Sends Mixed Signals

 

My sincere advice to all women: If a man cannot seem to decide if he wants you or not (sending all sorts of mixed signals and acting indecisively), go ahead and make a decision FOR HIM.

 

He does not deserve you. Wave your hand at him and say goodbye forever. Do not invest another second on him. Do not look back. As simple as that.

10 Qualities of An Ideal Man

10 Qualities of An Ideal Man

While I do not believe that “The One” exist, I do believe there are certain qualities in a man that is on the criteria list of most women out there. Here’s my list of 10 qualities of an ideal man.

10 qualities of an ideal man

1)  Optimistic and Great Sense of Humor

He has a positive outlook on life, even when things aren’t bright and sunny. With a great sense of humor, he always makes you laugh. Most of the time, he is someone who is very fun and enjoyable to be with.

 

2)  Faithful/Loyal and Committed

He is someone who is reliable and trustworthy. You know deep down in your heart that you can always count on him for support, understanding, and comfort. Most importantly, you can trust him that he won’t deliberately do things or make decisions that would hurt you or the relationship/marriage.

 

3)  Great Communication Skills

Without being judgmental, he practices patience and empathetic listening. He tries to see things from your point of view before providing solutions or advice and is able to get his message across by conveying his thoughts effectively.

10 qualities of an ideal man

4)  Respect You and Treat You as an Equal Partner

Your opinions are valued and he genuinely wants to understand your thoughts. He discusses things with you before making important decisions. Not to mention having a deep respect for you, your family, your friends, your choices, your career, and your space/privacy.

 

5)  Affectionate, Sensitive, and Romantic

He expresses his love and care for you through simple, affectionate gestures like hugs, kisses, holding hands, calls, sweet little notes/cards, saying “I love you,” and etc. Attentive and sensitive to your needs, he cheerfully does little things to make you happy and loved and cared for.

 

6)  Appreciative and Forgiving

He doesn’t take you or the relationship/marriage for granted and appreciates you and the things you do for him on a daily basis. A very forgiving person, he doesn’t hold grudges when you unintentionally hurt his feelings or make mistakes. 

 

7)  Love You Just the Way You Are

You are good enough just the way you are – in fact, in his eyes, you are the best and accepts you as a total package – the good and the not-so-good. He helps and encourages you to learn and grow to your fullest potential, instead of molding you to become the “dream girl” or “ideal wife” in his fantasy.

8)  Financially Responsible

Notice I didn’t mention “financially wealthy” – I said “financially responsible.” You don’t have to be a millionaire or make a million a year. It’s not about how much money you make but rather how well you manage what you have – making wise financial decisions, plans, and investments.

 

9)  Passionate about Life

He has other passions in life other than you, for example his work, hobbies, interests, friends, family, religious beliefs, and etc. A person who takes good care of himself, he doesn’t rely on you entirely for his happiness. He deeply believes and feels that life is wonderful and worth living and he’s committed to life long learning and self development.

 

10)  Confident and Competent

He is confident, but not arrogant. Men are born leaders, protectors, and providers (at least they deeply believe they are) – we all know that. It’s nothing new. However, in order for a woman to genuinely and deeply admire, adore, and respect her man, he has to be competent to begin with. That doesn’t mean he has to perfect (everybody makes mistakes) or has supernatural powers. But he kind of has to know what he’s doing.

Why A Long Distance Relationship Might (Not) Work

Why A Long Distance Relationship Might (Not) Work

Richard Marx’s rendition of Right Here Waiting speaks volumes for a long distance relationship:

 

“Oceans apart, day after day and I slowly go insane, I hear your voice on the line but it doesn’t stop the pain. I see you next to never, how can we say forever”

 

 

A Long Distance Relationship Is NOT for Everyone

People who had experienced a long distance relationship would most likely mention about the tears, the loneliness, the heartaches, and the sleepless nights. Nevertheless, a successful long distance relationship ending up in rewarding, satisfying partnerships and marriages do exist in reality.

 

If you are someone who ranks physical intimacy over emotional connection, distance may be extremely challenging to you. Perhaps you are someone who treasures spending quality time and engaging in fun activities with your lover more so than having deep, meaningful conversations, exchanging thoughts and ideas, and sharing life experiences together. In that case, you might want to think twice before entering into a long distance relationship.

 

If you believe he/she is “The-One” you have been waiting for all your life and you couldn’t possibly imagine finding someone else who touches your heart like he/she does, then be brave and go for it. Don’t let the distance be an obstacle. After all, it’s better to find out the answer yourself than to wonder about what-ifs or regret later in your life.

 

The Pros of a Long Distance Relationship

1. The passion is more manageable. Since you don’t see each other often, you are more likely be able to keep the fire under control. The symptoms of infatuation in the early stage are less severe than an average relationship. You are also less likely to confuse lust with love.

2. You really get to know someone at a deep, meaningful level and the emotional bonding is strong. Many couples in a common relationship setting are merely “activity partners” during the courting stage. They might see each other all the time but that doesn’t mean they really know and understand each other deeply. In a long distance relationship, you spend hours doing nothing but communicating, which then leads to a deeper, more fulfilling relationship.

3. The precious moments you spend together will be something you cherish and not take things for granted.

4. You learn to be self content but also, at the same time, receive emotional support from the one you love.

5. One of the valuable lessons you will learn in a long distance relationship is building a strong trust foundation for the relationship, learning how to control your jealousy and not let your imagination run wild. If you realize you can’t trust that person, no matter how hard you try – that is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

 

 

The Cons of A Long Distance Relationship

1. Loneliness/emptiness. Yes, there will be tons of moments when you feel lonely and wish he/she was there with you, especially during those cold lonely nights.

2. Emotional stress – Face the truth, keeping a relationship alive across the miles is HARD WORK. Whoever tells you otherwise is a liar – don’t ever talk to him/her again.

3. No physical intimacy, hugs, kisses or holding hands. Can you really survive?

4. Misunderstandings and conflicts are often very challenging when they do happen. Or in some cases, they cannot be resolved for days, weeks, or even months. Why? Imagine if he or she is upset with you and refuse to talk to you (won’t answer your calls, text messages or emails). Serious communication breakdown. What would you do? What could you do? You are miles away… Frustrating, is it not?

5. You won’t be able to be there for each other during unpredictable events or crises, no matter how much you want to or wish to. 

 

A long distance relationship can work. However, it takes an enormous amount of effort, commitment, trust, and love to succeed, not to mention mental maturity, emotional stability, and courage.

 

In most cases, when a long distance relationship breaks down or ends in failure, the couple puts the blame on the “distance.” However, I believe that the “distance” merely intensifies the core problem of the relationship – it itself is not the problem.

 

It (the distance) allows you to see the true problem of your relationship clearly and forces you to face it … for better, or for worse.

The Do’s and Don’ts of Text Messaging in a Relationship

The Do’s and Don’ts of Text Messaging in a Relationship

Over 350 billion text messages are sent globally each month. 90% of the world’s population sent at least one text message a day making text messaging one of the most popular medium of communication globally. We convey some of the most crucial messages via text. Thus, its importance cannot be overlooked. art of text messaging 

 

More often than not, messages to enhance a relationship are done via text messaging. Some pointers to observe when sending a text message:

Text Messaging DOs: the art of text messaging

1.  A sweet “I miss you”, “I love you”, “Be safe”,etc. always put a smile on someone’s face and make his/her day.

 

2.  A text message always conveys a message that you care and providing moral support on your significant other’s hectic day or on a tight deadline at work.

 

3. When someone is feeling down, slightly depressed, or unmotivated, kind text messages can magically uplift and create positive energy and inspirations. (hint: on the contrary, constant nagging doesn’t work and only makes things worse).

 

4. Being away from your significant other yet feeling connected is a healthy – distance is good; you don’t need to be together ALL the time. A brief text message sharing your current moment experience (it can be something that you see, listen, eat, drink, buy, or experience while spending time by yourself, with your own friends, or family) will do the trick.

5. Some times a sweet, casual “text message” flirting can spice up a monotonous, lifeless relationship (if used sparingly). Uncertainties and surprises only make our lives that more exciting!

 

6. In moments when not in each others’ company, an affectionate feeling can be conveyed via a text message that says “BIG hug” or “SMILE” or “A good night kiss for you”. (hint to guys: girls love that).

 

7. When you feel the urge to apologize for inflicting hurtful behaviors or mistakes, please take note of 3 things: 

 a) Using text messages as a an apology tool will put you in coward territory. It merely provides some instant comfort/relief for the person you have hurt before you make a face to face apology.

b) Regardless of the seriousness of your “crime” or a face to face is still necessary and highly encouraged as it shows courage to accept responsibility and respect.

c) A one-word text that reads “Sorry” is practically useless. Although you don’t have to go into depth about how remorseful you are, a brief “I’m sorry for [your “crime.” e.g. yelling at you and hurting your feelings last night.] is sincere, touching, and good enough.

 

 

Text Messaging DON’Ts: the art of text messaging

1. Do not use acronyms, symbols, or secret codes in your text messages unless you are certain that your significant other knows exactly what they mean. Or unless you want misunderstandings or wars to explode.

 

2. Do not use text messages to deliver tragic news that cause heartache, stroke, or heart attack. If unfortunately, you do have some horrible news to break, please call. At least then you can mentally an emotionally prepare him/her.

 

3. Don’t send a text to cancel a date as it is grossly insulting and disrespectful. Unless you are in a formal, professional meeting or in the space (no air, no sound, right?). I personally find it very hard to comprehend this: When you are sick, barely surviving, and almost dying, sending a lengthy text message to give excuses reasons for your absence (on that tiny keyboard on your cute little mobile phone) is easier than making a phone call? Please, help me out here.

 

4. Don’t send a long chain of hateful text messages when you are annoyed, angry, frustrated, or merely depressed. Transferring your bad hateful energy to someone you love is extremely selfish. Calm down, have an ice cream, get into a yoga stance, or sign up for an anger management course. NEVER send hateful text messages, full stop.

 

5. (This one is specially for the guys) 

Avoid “life-changing” questions via text message when you intend to bring your relationship to the next level (eg. will you go out with me on a date; will you be my girlfriend; will you marry me and etc.). If you are crazy about her don’t you think she deserves to hear those words and feelings from you, personally?

Even when you decide to say those magic-three-words to her for the  very first time, you should say it directly to her (a phone call is acceptable). 

NOTE: If you do not have “life changing” questions to ask or “three-magic-words” to proclaim but you have some true feelings to share, consider writing an old fashion letter or email – they are far better than text messages, at any given time.)

 

6. Do not use text messages for manipulative purposes. Just because both of you are dating or in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you have the right to dominate or control. Give each other some space and respect each other’s privacy.

It’s impossible for one to enjoy life and time or even just to focus on work when you keep sending text messages your significant other every other minute. Be mature and reasonable. Grow up!

 

7. WARNING: NEVER ever end a romantic relationship via a text message (e.g. breaking up with someone or divorcing someone). This is NEVER acceptable or appropriate, under any circumstances and at any given time. Enough said.

 

If all else fails, there’s always magnetic messaging . . .

First Date Conversation (or What to Say and What Not to Say on Your First Date)

First Date Conversation (or What to Say and What Not to Say on Your First Date)

I was bored one afternoon and decided to grab something to read from my bookshelf. It turned out to be a relationship self-help book which I received from a friend for Christmas a few years ago.

It was one of those bargain “pick-me-up” books (with a 70% discount) that the bookstore just couldn’t wait to get rid off (hint: probably not a reliable source to begin with.) The chapter on “What to Say on a First Date” is interestingly written and outrageously hilarious, so much so that I felt guilty not to share the fun with you. It was also my intention that you would be able to learn something from the negative examples. First Date Conversation

 

(DISCLAIMER: If you do decide to use any of the tips below, use at your own risk!)

 

The Golden Rule: He talks. You listen.

The Reasons: You’ll seem more mysterious to him. You’ll find out if he matches your husband wish list. You’ll be more likely to have a second date.


First Date Interview

Think of your first date as an interview. Focus on drawing out this new man. Ask him lots of questions. In fact, prepare your list of questions ahead of time (you got to do your homework, girlfriend!). About fifteen questions is about the right amount, but if you want to be on the safe side, have twenty questions handy. Make sure you study them so well that you can memorize them from backwards, in the correct order and without skipping any – every question is IMPORTANT! We are talking about your first date (potential husband) here.

First Date Conversation

Begin your conversation with safe, non-personal subjects (I think the author really means that you should avoid talking about living objects – focus on the dead things. And also, these casual opening topics should not be added onto your list of 15 or 20 questions for your date of honor.)

Some (bad) examples:

a) weather (The weather is so wonderful today. It’s not raining. Do you think it’s going to rain later?)

b) music (Oh, I loooove this song. It’s one of my favorites. My ex used to sing this to me all the time.)

c) road traffic (Wow, isn’t it amazing that the traffic is so smooth today? I can’t believe it! I was running late because I couldn’t find my keys and my hair was a mess, but look, I’m not even late…)

d) the (artificial) flowers in the corner (Oh, look at those lovely flowers over there. They are PINK! Pink is my favorite color, by the way.)

e) the painting on the wall (That woman in that picture looks like my grandmother. She died a year ago.)

 

Some Potential Questions to Ask Your Interviewee/ Date (which will guarantee to scare him to death and make him run to the nearest exit):

1.) Where did you grow up?

2.) Tell me about your childhood. Were you mostly happy or sad? Are your parents divorced?

3.) What are your dreams for the future? What do you want in life?

4.) What is your spiritual background? Do you pray?

5.) Do you see yourself as a husband and father? Do either of those roles scare you and why?

6.) If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Where would you prefer to raise a family?

7.) Do you like your job? Do you plan to keep it or are you looking for alternatives?

A FINAL REMINDER (from the author): Make the date ALL about him.

 

Oh, definitely. Ask him lots of questions. The deeper the questions, the smarter you seem to him. Don’t forget to provide plenty of chances for him to expose his feelings to you on the first date. This is only going to flatter his ego to the greatest level – Men love that!

First Date Conversation

Good luck (if you follow any of the above advice/suggestions)! 🙂

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