10 Strategies for Men To Create a Lasting Relationship
You had gotten past the courtship stage of a relationship. However, relationships rarely work on cruise control. To achieve a lasting relationship, you must constantly work at it lest relationship atrophy sets in.
Creating a lasting relationship goes beyond chemistry and attraction. Moving to the next phase requires a different skill set. And some finesse. Here are 10 strategies you can employ to keep your relationship engine moving and keep up to speed.
1. Work on your passion
To make a woman see you as long term prospect, you need to exude an aura that you will always be there in the long haul.
A man who knows what he wants for himself will be able to provide for the woman he is with. The personal fulfillment of something you are passionate about – a favorite hobby that could be turned into a dream job or a lifelong pursuit – is an indication to a woman that you can do the same for her.
2. Be authentic
Find your authentic self. Practice self-acceptance and feel happy being around yourself, then others will feel happy being around you. When you are comfortable with yourself, that is a form of self-love and it signifies your authenticity. It will also make you an interesting person that people would want to hang around with.
3. Keep doing the little things that matters
Perform random acts of thoughtfulness. You can’t go wrong with daily doses of thoughtful gestures for it will, over time, solidify your bond with her. Acts that seem trivial and insignificant after being in a relationship for a while – hugs, kisses, compliments – are actually bids for emotional connection. A concept formulated by Dr. John Gottman, bids for emotional connection are bids partners make to create, maintain and reestablish connection with one another.
4. Establishing and maintaining trust
Probably the most important word in the vocabulary of relationship is TRUST. Trust break down boundaries and establishes a clear line of communication.
Dr. Stephen R. Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People coined the term “emotional bank account” as a metaphor for trust in terms of emotional units. You make “deposits” in your relationship emotional bank account when your acts increases her trust, confidence and affection for you.
When you break promises, lie and cheat and create feelings of mistrust, anger and bitterness in a relationship – you may have overdrawn your emotional bank account. And headed for a very rocky ride . . .
5. Beware the pitfalls of being relationship-centered
You must have a multifaceted life where your daily activity is a balance of work, spirituality, physical activities, self-improvement and relationships (friend, colleagues, family, etc).
If you are just focused on your relationship with her it makes you a one dimensional person. And clingy.
Go back to #1 above and start over.
6. Keep the flame burning
You must be the excitement that keeps her coming back to you. Once you lose that, the relationship is gone. Never take her for granted and never stop courting.
Take a lesson from an old school romantic and my favorite icon, President Ronald Reagan. His devotion to his wife Nancy is legendary. Reagan had written countless letters to his wife throughout their time together. In a letter to Nancy on their 31st wedding anniversary he wrote, “I more than love you, I’m not whole without you. You are life itself to me. When you are gone I’m waiting for you to return so I can start living again.”
7. Get her involved in common pursuits
If you are really serious about creating a relationship that last, then be serious about creating some enjoyable “together” time. Plan trips, sign up for a Pilates class together or find interesting places to hike every fortnight. Having common interests or hobbies means you can spend more quality time together and have more constructive conversations.
8. Quell her insecurities
The battle is half won if you have established trust (see #4 above) early in the relationship. Most insecurities faced by women are triggered by doubts, miscommunication or lies.
Most women are insecure because society has made them believe that all men are lying, cheating bastards. So most men enter into a relationship “guilty until proven innocent”. It’s a harsh fact. The onus is on you to prove that you are fine loyal man of integrity.
Of course, there are more to a woman’s insecurities than meets the eye but that would probably be a topic for another day and time.
9. Put an end to your insecurities
Your insecurities (or most men for that matter) is always due to a low self-esteem or lack thereof.
If you do not work on your insecurities BEFORE you begin a relationship, it may creep up during your relationship like a bloody nightmare. Male insecurities are very often the reason a man get dumped by a woman. While showing your vulnerable side may be an attractive thing, there is no bigger turn-off to women than a wimp-ish insecure man.
So, take your insecurities to Dr. Phil if necessary. In short, please deal with it before it ruins your relationship.
10. Give her space
While being devoted and spending time together enhances your relationship with her, it is also essential to give her some “alone” time. Relationship is a two-way street where couples share a lot of activities together as well as experience things separately.
Giving space is healthy. It enhances trust and understanding and keeps the relationship fresh and exciting. The space allow her room for personal growth, quiet contemplation and an opportunity for her to maintain her social circle. It also reflect upon you as a cool and confident guy and not an insecure wimp-ish man.