The Do’s and Don’ts of Text Messaging in a Relationship

by | Nov 13, 2007 | Love & Relationship | 8 comments

Over 350 billion text messages are sent globally each month. 90% of the world’s population sent at least one text message a day making text messaging one of the most popular medium of communication globally. We convey some of the most crucial messages via text. Thus, its importance cannot be overlooked. art of text messaging 


More often than not, messages to enhance a relationship are done via text messaging. Some pointers to observe when sending a text message:

Text Messaging DOs: the art of text messaging

1.  A sweet “I miss you”, “I love you”, “Be safe”,etc. always put a smile on someone’s face and make his/her day.


2.  A text message always conveys a message that you care and providing moral support on your significant other’s hectic day or on a tight deadline at work.


3. When someone is feeling down, slightly depressed, or unmotivated, kind text messages can magically uplift and create positive energy and inspirations. (hint: on the contrary, constant nagging doesn’t work and only makes things worse).


4. Being away from your significant other yet feeling connected is a healthy – distance is good; you don’t need to be together ALL the time. A brief text message sharing your current moment experience (it can be something that you see, listen, eat, drink, buy, or experience while spending time by yourself, with your own friends, or family) will do the trick.

5. Some times a sweet, casual “text message” flirting can spice up a monotonous, lifeless relationship (if used sparingly). Uncertainties and surprises only make our lives that more exciting!


6. In moments when not in each others’ company, an affectionate feeling can be conveyed via a text message that says “BIG hug” or “SMILE” or “A good night kiss for you”. (hint to guys: girls love that).


7. When you feel the urge to apologize for inflicting hurtful behaviors or mistakes, please take note of 3 things: 

 a) Using text messages as a an apology tool will put you in coward territory. It merely provides some instant comfort/relief for the person you have hurt before you make a face to face apology.

b) Regardless of the seriousness of your “crime” or a face to face is still necessary and highly encouraged as it shows courage to accept responsibility and respect.

c) A one-word text that reads “Sorry” is practically useless. Although you don’t have to go into depth about how remorseful you are, a brief “I’m sorry for [your “crime.” e.g. yelling at you and hurting your feelings last night.] is sincere, touching, and good enough.



Text Messaging DON’Ts: the art of text messaging

1. Do not use acronyms, symbols, or secret codes in your text messages unless you are certain that your significant other knows exactly what they mean. Or unless you want misunderstandings or wars to explode.


2. Do not use text messages to deliver tragic news that cause heartache, stroke, or heart attack. If unfortunately, you do have some horrible news to break, please call. At least then you can mentally an emotionally prepare him/her.


3. Don’t send a text to cancel a date as it is grossly insulting and disrespectful. Unless you are in a formal, professional meeting or in the space (no air, no sound, right?). I personally find it very hard to comprehend this: When you are sick, barely surviving, and almost dying, sending a lengthy text message to give excuses reasons for your absence (on that tiny keyboard on your cute little mobile phone) is easier than making a phone call? Please, help me out here.


4. Don’t send a long chain of hateful text messages when you are annoyed, angry, frustrated, or merely depressed. Transferring your bad hateful energy to someone you love is extremely selfish. Calm down, have an ice cream, get into a yoga stance, or sign up for an anger management course. NEVER send hateful text messages, full stop.


5. (This one is specially for the guys) 

Avoid “life-changing” questions via text message when you intend to bring your relationship to the next level (eg. will you go out with me on a date; will you be my girlfriend; will you marry me and etc.). If you are crazy about her don’t you think she deserves to hear those words and feelings from you, personally?

Even when you decide to say those magic-three-words to her for the  very first time, you should say it directly to her (a phone call is acceptable). 

NOTE: If you do not have “life changing” questions to ask or “three-magic-words” to proclaim but you have some true feelings to share, consider writing an old fashion letter or email – they are far better than text messages, at any given time.)


6. Do not use text messages for manipulative purposes. Just because both of you are dating or in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you have the right to dominate or control. Give each other some space and respect each other’s privacy.

It’s impossible for one to enjoy life and time or even just to focus on work when you keep sending text messages your significant other every other minute. Be mature and reasonable. Grow up!


7. WARNING: NEVER ever end a romantic relationship via a text message (e.g. breaking up with someone or divorcing someone). This is NEVER acceptable or appropriate, under any circumstances and at any given time. Enough said.


If all else fails, there’s always magnetic messaging . . .

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